Through my teenage years, I wasn't always the nicest person. I didn't understand or stop to think how my actions may hurt others. Lately I have been able to get in touch with a lot of friends that I haven't seen or talked to for a long, long time. I am embarrassed to think of how they may remember me. I think when I was younger I would shut people out of my life because I didn't want them to really know who I was...probably because I myself didn't really know. I never wanted any of my friends coming over to my house because it always smelled like smoke, we had 2 huge dogs that were always in the house (Pit-bull and Rottweiler), and there were beer cans all over the house along with some loser of a guy that was my mom's boyfriend at the time. So, I guess for me it was sometimes easier to keep up a guard and not get too close to others.
By doing this, I realize I never got too involved in the lives of others. I didn't let others' experiences...good or bad, effect me in any way. Therefore, I didn't get too upset if something wasn't going right for a good friend, and I didn't get too excited when something good happened to them. Sad, I know.
I think that being married to such a great guy and learning to love someone more than I ever thought possible has helped to open my heart to many other things. These days I really cherish the friendships I have. I have so much more empathy in my heart for those around me and truly care about them, their feelings, their life, etc. So...a big thank you to those friends who stayed with me even when I was such a brat, acted selfishly, and was insensitive to your feelings.
I've come to realize that I am effected by those around me. I get overwhelmed with joy when good things happen to others. And I feel great sadness for others when they are hurting and things aren't going their way. I've realized that life is better when you share it with others...the good and the bad times.
So, getting older and being more sensitive and sappy isn't all that bad:) For me, it is a good thing....even if I do cry during movies (and shows) that I would have never cried about before, and even though I get emotional about funny things sometimes, even some of your sweet comments on the good ol' blog...it's all good:)
I totally relate. I get upset a lot when I think about stupid things I did and said in High School. I so was not myself back then, at least not the self that I am now. Growing up has been good for me, too! I'm glad we found each other again because I always thought of you as a good friend and a nice person back then. I loved reading this post! I feel the same way. (and I cry a lot, as well!)
ReplyDeleteSo, one more thing...How did you do your blog roll on the side where it says when they posted last? That is so awesome. Then I wouldn't feel like a blog stalker and check everyone's blogs twice a day!!
ReplyDeleteHey Jen!! It was nice to read your comment on my blog...thanks. I had no idea you were in that nasty accident...I am so glad that you two are ok!!
ReplyDeleteFunny how growing up makes us more aware of our actions and how they effect those around us huh. I always thought you were funny, and a good friend to those around you.
I am so glad that life is good for you guys!
You are a great friend. Thanks for being so nice and kind.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I could have written your blog word for word. In fact, I think I might just take a paragraph and quote it in my blog :) I was such a jerk in my younger days--even in college. I'm still very, very ashamed of some of the things I did/said/how I treated people. I hope that they have forgiven me!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny to hear you write that. I never felt like you were unkind or that you should regret your actions. I recoginized that you didn't always like having people at your house; but everyone knew that wasn't a reflection on you. I think that you just described imaturity in general, kids can be mean and not recognize "damage" that they do to others. But, like I said before I didn't feel that you were that way. I always thought you were a great friend. :) Everyone has their fair share of regrets.
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