[Driving Anxiety Anonymous]
Hi, I'm Jennifer and I have driving anxiety.
At some point in my life (I can't exactly pinpoint it) I became fearful of getting in a car accident. I think it might have happened when I was a sophomore in high school and a senior student at my school died in a car accident. I'm not fully sure if that is the cause, but that is the only thing I can think of as to why I developed this fear. No one in my family nor myself had ever been in a car accident (at that time).
This fear only worsened as I got older.
When driving with others, I would pay particularly close attention to the road and to every car around us (even though I wasn't driving). This way, I could "help" the driver in case they missed something (like a light turning red, or a car changing lanes). If I saw brake-lights ahead, I was sure to warn the driver to slow down. Basically, I was an obnoxious "back-seat" driver.
I would drive Curtis nuts because I would get nervous and breath in abruptly and grab the door. He would be like, "what???" all tense like he was about to hit a car. "I thought that car was going to change lanes into us" I would say, when really the car was driving just fine in their own lane.
Driving in rain or snow was especially a challenge for me. I would get so tense and nervous I would feel sick to my stomach.
Then, one day it happened. The car accident I had been so incredibly fearful of, happened. We were hit head on at 65 mph by a drunk driver. We spent a week in the hospital with bruises, broken bones, and a collapsed lung. Unfortunately, the passenger in the other car wasn't as lucky and died at the hospital (she was ejected from the car and suffered great internal trauma).
Since that time, all the fear I just described above, well, it has now doubled, tripled, possibly even quadrupled. My stomach is tensing up just thinking about it.
Some people have said, "you don't have to be afraid anymore because now you know that you can survive a terrible car accident." Others have said, "the chances of getting in another fatal car accident in your lifetime are pretty slim, so no need to be fearful." These statements don't help and in no way did our car accident help me not be so fearful.
I'm terrified of dying in a horrible, fiery car crash. I'm serious, too. There are times when driving, I begin to feel so overwhelmed at the thought that I may possible die on this road trip. To make matters worse, I worry about my loved ones doing the same. It's bad because it limits me. I don't want to go places because I don't want to drive. I don't want Curtis to go places because I don't want him to drive.
(Just to clarify, I'm fine with in-town driving (most of the time, anyway)...it's driving on highways, freeways, etc that get me...especially, 2 way highways where oncoming traffic is right next to me.)
Something I struggle with now is holding my breath while driving. It's awful. We get done driving somewhere and I am sore just from being so tense the entire time. Most people don't understand my fear, so they think it's funny to scare me and drive kind of crazy...just to get a reaction from me. Let me tell you, IT'S NOT FUNNY. Of course my sweetie-pie doesn't do this...at least not on purpose, but other people have and I don't like it...so don't do it anymore.
The reason why I bring all this up is because we now live in a place where we have to travel on 2-way highways and through canyons to get just about anywhere. I get anxiety just thinking about driving home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So much so that I sometimes consider just staying here (where it's safe) for the holidays.
I also have to travel for my job. I travel to Casper every six weeks, which is about 2 hours a way. About a week before I have to go, I get sick. I think of reasons why I possibly shouldn't go. I think about stupid things like quitting my job, just so I don't have to drive. But I love my job and it's a really, really good job, so why would I want to quit?
I don't know what to do. Curtis thinks I should get hypnotized to see if it could rid me from this fear. I don't want this fear to limit me anymore. I want to travel and go places...lots of places.
Do any of you have this same fear? What do you do? Any suggestions?
On a side note, what do you think of my new Halloween blog header? Curtis thinks it needs more bats. :) Isn't Halloween fun?!?
first of all *love* the new halloween header.
ReplyDeletewhen was your accident? that really is so scary and no one should make fun of you for being fearful of that. all forms of therapy for anxiety and fear deal with exposure to the source of that anxiety whether gradually or all at once. i think that anything that gets in the way of living your everyday life needs to be addressed with your physician and likely a psychiatrist. medication may be necessary for your treatment, but may not have to be a permanent thing.
as you learned from your accident you can be the most careful skilled driver in the world and yet not evade the poor choices, or negligence of others. a lot of things in life are like that. but we can't stop living our life because of what others may or may not do. i too struggle with some anxiety issues and have a minor is psychology so i know how deep that fear and anxiety run. but if it is making you sick and hindering your quality of life you really should see someone about it.
the only other thing we can do is pray and have faith.
Your fear probably stems from driving with Justin. I know when I was in the car with him driving I was always scared too!
ReplyDeleteWell, I have this same fear. I have a hard time going on vacation for this reason. I'm a "home body" for this reason. When I'm going somewhere-flying or driving-I get way bad anxiety. I stress weeks before I'm to go and also think of reasons why I should stay home. Once I get there safely, I stress until it's time to go home. I can't relax or enjoy the vacation until it's over and I'm safely home with my family. What do we do to get over this? I have no idea! But I'd love to know if there's a cure!
ReplyDeletep.s. I love the new header just the way it is!
I love your new header. SO cute. I'm so sorry about your driving anxiety. I can't even imagine the fear you have from it. The only suggestion I can think of is what Amber said, pray and have faith. Maybe a priesthood blessing would be good too.
ReplyDeleteI could not have said things better. I got the exact same fear after I was in an accident in Utah (about 10 years ago). I totalled my car. The holding onto the door drives Jared CRAZY. I also put my feet up on the dash as if to stop me from crashing through the windshield. I don't relax. I'd much rather stay home than travel long distances. Traveling home to Utah is incredibly HARD for me (especially during the winter months). I completely understand the whole being tired thing. I get sick the week before we travel, worried sick. If you get any good responses...do share.
ReplyDeleteI have this same anxiety with sickness, vomitting especially and as someone else mentioned I also get anxiety when flying or when I make plans for something major, that sickness will come up and I can't follow through. I have researched my sickness one particularly and I believe cognitive therapy is the way to go. I am considering getting it. I will let you know if I go ahead... I need it, I seriously do. I so feel for you and I know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDeleteI was run off the road once, nothing bad happened to me I just hit one of those dumb construction cones. Until that happened I never worried about drivers changing lanes into my lane, now I worry all the time about it! I try not to worry but I always freak out when Jared drives, and he is a pretty good driver-even if he goes too fast sometimes. I guess all we can do is know we are in the Lord's hands and he is watching over us. IF something were to happen and we do die then we have to know it happened for a reason! BUT lets just hope we are old women-like in our 90's with lots of grandkids- and we go in our sleep!
ReplyDeleteOK so I have this exact thing super bad as well!!! Clay calls it my condition (1 of the many layers of my condition)It has gotten alot worse sence I had Camille and throw flying in there and it ruins my life. The only time I feel safe is when im driving but even then im so freekend out that I kind of make it not as safe. I have done a few things to deal with I have gone to 2 hypnotharapist they were kind of help full one was in Cheynne and the the other one was in Longmont the first one was about 7 years ago and she helped me a little bit I think im not very easy to hypnotize but they didnt do it like on tv when people do the funny things. She gave me some exercises to do and such. It was so bad that I bailed out on plane tickets to Hawaii twice and to Scotland once so it has ended up being pretty expencive. and the second one was this last winter and she gave me some things to do as well im not sure if they have worked but the thing I do for my self is tell my self " I will not ever let a fear run my life because when I do that I will have let win and it will take every thing away from me that i will let it." so I keep putting my self in these uncomfortable situation like flying and riding in cars with people in hopes that it will get better and also I enjoy going places so im not going to let this get ahead of me! DANG IT! also I figure god has a plan for me and he is the only one who knows when it is my time so im leaving it up to him it is out of my hands. I dont know if this makes any sence but this is my experence. Good luck and I feel you sister!
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